I think Im on the verge of kicking a 30 year, pack a day (25 cigarettes, maybe more some days, I have been as high as 30-35 in a day for a month, but pretty much no more than 1 pack a day most of the tim) smoking habbit.

Its all thanks to a cold or flu virus, I’m not sure which, Im not throwing up but have fever and food just tastes like complete s*** (pretty sure thats flu?) But I have nuclear yellow snot and cough. I think its funky bad cold which has caused a chain reaction of s*** in me that I cant even believe.

Feel the start of this s***** cold over a week ago, a bit of a bite at the back of my nasal cavity. I knew it was coming, and I knew where it came from. I heard the first guy I work with who had it 3 weeks ago with the most fucked up voice so I asked hom “you got a cold?” Yeah. “Sounds bad, hope I dont get it” but whatever. I’m a tough guy.

Go to work Monday this week, 5 days ago. Fine, Im really feeling it, but whatever. Go to bed Tuesday night, I wake up at about 1/2 hr earlier than normal and I have one hell of a fever and it feels like I ripped something in my chest probably from coughing. Really bad sleep too. I was hirting badly, so I did what I never do and I texted my supervisior “fever, I am in some serious pain, not coming in, man” alright.

I sat on the recliner all day not sleeping, but just with my eyes closed trying not to cough. I have one super funky cold, and I can barely breath without being in sever pain from whatever is injured. Coughing is killer. Such a brutal unavoidable sharp pain. So, so painful. I misenterperted the pain, its in my shoulder blade area… (I realized its neither its the muscle right below my arm pit)

To avoid coughing I smokex very minimal that day. Not much weed either. Maybe 7 cigarettes that day. I have never quit either even for the worst colds. I didn’t eat a single thing all day. Barely drank any coffee, drank quite a bit of powxered icce tea mix.

Wake up next morning wednesday its not much better I text supervisor that I need just 1 more day. That day, same thing. Even less cigarettes, half asleep on the recliner, I cooked a box of mac n cheese, threw in some rotiserie chicken fom Monday and a handfull of crushed Frenches Crispy Jalapenos. Tasted like s***. It actually tasted like blood to be honest. I ate very little of it but as much as I could and then later at a few strands of the chicken alone just to eat something.

Really s***** sleep, woke up the next moring a bit better, used to my situation, but I need to work. This s*** made a guy miss an entire week, actually over a week including this past Monday I worked before the Tuesday I didnt. Its killer.

I go in, do what I have to do, Im a delivery truck driver the first thing I did though, realizing I have eaten nothing for 3 days, I hit SUBWAY “Foot Long Meatball Sub” talk to the girl, I know her shes a nice girl at a few of the store always extra smiley (Im too old for her) I usually deliver there, but I didnt have one for that store with me there. I told her this, told her I was off the past few days, Im dying, explaining her why I’m out of the blue ordering a 12″ Meatball sub at 10:00 in the morning. I ate half of that and it sat in my stomach literally all day. I was burping meatball sub at 5:00 PM and wantd to puke. I took two bites of the second half then, andd threw it in the garbage. I NEEDED TO EAT or Im going to die. Im not working out getting excersise, sleeping well, I am not normal in any way, But Im avoiding cigarettes. I was still smoking a pack from Monday. They’re dry and falling apart.

Cut to today, that miscle os still screwed up, and I’ve smoked I think 4 today, including one an old buddy I ran into gave me to have with him. The 2nd pack I’ve opened since Monday night, last night, only has a few missing.

I am not nicotine fitting, and I find myself sitting going “Ah, maybe it would be nice to go oit on the balcony and have a smoke… not because I need one, more for something to do, but I talk muself out of it thinking I’ll regret it at bed when Im coughing in the most serious fruatrating shard pain I have ever felt. I curse the dude I first asked “you have a cold? Sounds bad… Hope I dont get it…” I cough now and its like “AHHHHH….I WANT TO KILL THAT LITTLE MOTHER FUCKER JESUS F****** CHRIST….. UUUHHBB”

BUT I’m also thinking Im on the verge of my greatest personal accomploshment ever