I think I saw a girl I haven’t seen in about a year and a half, today. I think. I don’t know. I was sitting in traffic waiting for a light, she was over to my left waiting to merge into the lane. It was quite the distance it was more like 4 lanes away with everything in between us, but we were both glancing at each other and I DID think to myself “she looks like her, but with straighter hair than I’m used to seeing her with…” I think she’s super pretty but other than her twitter pic I’ve never seen her like that and I was looking at her she was looking at me, and she had a different car than the one I know her for. The car made me think “that’s not her”. Different and I think older model, same brand name though. The brand of the dealership her mother works at actually.
She might have recognized me, she was looking over. I’m driving a giant billboard, pretty sure she knows where I am but I just didn’t think it was her. I had a huge crush on her actually. We did have a thing. I tried to hit her up a few times and was politely turned down, the last time because I’m older. The first time something was up with her so I went fishing and asked if she still had a BF. I alluded to interest that time. The second time it was because of the age gap, and I accepted it. We did have a thing though. I wouldn’t have hit her up if I didn’t firmly believe it, but anyway. I haven’t seen her in a long time, and I know she no longer works at that place either, she works up the street from where I live now, which is in the general area I think I might have seen her today.
The thing that kind of bugs me is if I knew it was her, I would’ve waved. I would hate to think she thinks I’m like that or I don’t care. Because I do. I just know how to live life knowing I can’t have certain things. I can process it and cope with it well, so it might appear like I don’t care. I just know how to shut the tap off if I need to. I was looking at her and thinking “that really looks like her….” but I can’t start waving and blowing kisses at a girl I can’t be certain of, in a company vehicle.
She’s probably thinking “He doesn’t deserve me…” and f*** her I don’t. I very much do deserve her and what we can give each other, more than most men out there and only a few people really know that. On top of that she gave it to a guy more her age weeks after sending me on my way. And I didn’t get mad or jealous. I left her alone. I went out of site and let her be.