I was a young teen boy when I was persuaded into a sexual relationship with a gay male who was 5 or so years older than me, id say he was around 20 or 21 at the time.
He was my bestfriend who happened to be very close to me.
These endeavors began as him touching me above my jeans, then onto his hands in my pants, then kissing which I didnt like much at first and the whole thing was uncomfortable.
Our situation then grew onto him sucking me which I liked, hed often come over late night and blow me in his car. Id return the favor by sucking him and it was odd at firsthaving his penis in my mouth and then I kind of let go of my inhibitions and somewhat enjoyed it. It took a lot of guts for me to allow him to ejaculate in my mouth but I did it.
Our time together moved into his bedroom where we would have full on sex without a condom, I okayed this this leading to actual feelings towards him.
Having sex, I suggested id bottom as I always was feminie knowing id rather be a girl in life. I really like the way being the bottom during sex, on the floor on my back with only a hoodie on, and my legs proped on his hips while my body moved to the force of his body thursting into mine, it made me feel as a care provider so to say, i felt like… A girl…
Our heated sexual encounters progressed more seriously into allowing him to ejaculate inside me which was very personal and intimate and made me feel ” whole” at the same time. The feelings felt the same as if I were having sex with a girl.
I gathered myself and attempted to ” top ” my gay friend. Being inside him felt good but I prefered bottom. He had no issue with me ejaculating inside him. However it gets more promiscuous …
My gay friend had a serious boyfriend so all of our encounters were affairs. There were times when us three would be at his house, his boyfriend would leave and he and I would have sex right there and as his boyfriend came home everything was just.. Normal.
I never expected that one day all three of us would be in the same bed together in an orgy but it happened.
Laying together naked, all of this new to me two naked guys infront of me, new and exciting! His boyfriend had no idea his boyfriend ” my gay bestfriend” and I had been having sex a lot and even a few days before the orgy.
I ended up blowing my gay bestfriends boyfriend but did not like his penis piercing , then blowing my gay bestfriend and so forth. I asked for them to take turns penetrating me or ” roasting ” me and my gay bestfriends boyfriend said ” we are not like that, we need a condom if so”
I sat awkwardly thinking about all of the times his boyfriend ” my gay bestfriend ” and I have been having unprotected sex and all of the dirty things we had done but he had no idea.
The night came to an end with both guys ejaculating all over my butt ” i do have a rather girlish butt thats big and bubbly which i love and flaunt “and called it a night.
They both tried to hold my hand while sleeping, im guessing they felt some type of way towards me after.
Sadly, after all of the amazing, heated and intimate sex we shared we did not do much after this. I still have feelings for him and want him and find it difficult to want another guy.
We still talk and are friends as i am now in my 20s and he in his 30s. I can admitt I do see myself in a relationship with him but hard to envision a relationship with another guy.
So here I sit conflicted and confused about myself and life, so many questions so difficult to answer..
Ive tried going to gay bars, looking good while wearing tight rock revival jeans that made my butt ” pop” and looking attractive but i always fall shy to meeting another guy, I wanted to just kiss another guy to see of my feelings were honest, so I did but as far as we go is just kissing and i do it for fun and gathering strength and courage to go forth always seemed impossible.
I do not know my sexuality, I now have a serious girlfriend and I really like females and am attracted to them sexually, however Its obvious I enjoyed sex with another guy completely but am having a hard time going forth with meeting another guy?
Maybe its because im not close with another guy like i was with him to begin with so my inhibitions are harder to ignore. I do have the want to have sex with another guy if i were to ever be single again, to feel cared for and to care for and to feel like myself again…
Anyways, thank you for listening.