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I am 22 and have been in a relationship for the past 3 years with a bf who is always cruel to me calling me all kind of names & threatening me.. i have nowhere to go at the moment with my parents recently moving away and not enough money to get a place for myself and even though ive talked about leaving he still tries to control me and refuses to let me.. I’ve been nothing bit good to him up until now.. to add to all of this I have an anxiety disorder and I have been on a program for the past 3 months to help with my self confidence etc and to help me get a new job, sooo this is when it gets interesting.. The guy from the program I see once a week has been helping me get through my problems and we have gotten closer and closer every time I meet up with him.. we just have this crazy chemistry.. I don’t know much about him and I don’t even know how old he is bit he has been nothing but kind to me.. I saw him yesterday for another appointment and he asked me how my situation at home was doing and I just burst into tears, I was really embarresed and he asked me if I wanted to get out of there and I agreed.. we went to a beach close by and by the time we got there we talked a bit and shared a few laughes and he cheered me up.. we got to talking about going for a swim even though we were both not prepared only wearing our clothes with nothing else but a blanket with us.. he even moved his next appointment for later in the afternoon.. when we got in the waterthere was a huge s***** chemistry between us.. somehow we convinced eachother that skinny dipping would be a good idea.. I don’t know how things escalated so quickly but next thing i knew we were swimming naked together in the f****** ocean!? it was the best and most free I have felt in sooo long.. I’ve never done anythingnlice this before in my life. And that’s when he KISSED me..and I kissed him back! I seriously felt like i was having some kind of fantasy dream… we kissed for what felt for forever and then we had s**…. I can’t believe I’ve done this. I’m dying just typing this right now. I almost don’t even feel guilty for cheating and to add my bf cheated on me 2 years ago and I was dumb enough to stay with him.. NOW I can’t stop thinking about whay happened. I can’t tell anyone about this and it’s killing me.. am I a terrible person?

New Confession

I had…well, have…a female cousin, she was younger than all us boys and was the only female cousin. Even before any of us went through puberty, she would flirt and flash and tease us and always wanted our pants down when she let us look at her nearly or completely naked. Before any of us were in or past puberty she was most prone to doing such things in the pool, rubbing up against us and even reaching into our swim trunks and fondling and rubbing our child p e n elises and fondling our tiny t e s tcles. Sometimes she would even risk taking off her bikin bottoms under the water and let us touch and rub her and fondle her cheeks as she kept fondling and rubbing us. She always laughed when we got our immature little erec tions. It was far beyond anything remotely normal or playing doctor. A handful of times at picnic family reunions she would let some of us go with her as she snuck us out into the woods and take off all our clothes and look at and fondle us. Sometimes she would even con us into fondling ourselves and each other and even wanting us to s*** each other’s miniature g*******. We would do anything for her she had us eating out of her hand. As we boys started going through puberty she would keep us doing all these things just for the chance to see her naked, we all knew it was dirty and wrong esp since she was a few years younger than us. When she learned it happened by seeing it frombus for the first time, she would always want us to mas tur bate so she could watch us squirt. When her body started developing she loved to show it off even more and would let us fondle and g**** her. She never did anything more than touch and fondle us. Never let us do anything but touch and fondle her. She was the puppeteer and we were her pathetic h**** addicted performers. There was nothing we would not do to degrade ourselves for her, just to touch and see her. Sometimes she wanted to see us all moaning and j e r king off non stop for her, but there were far too many times she would direct her own personal h********* p*** show by asking us to s u ck each other, she would mix up who of us did it to another, but it is a harsh truth that thanks to her my male cousins and i spent an obscene amount of time s u c king each other off. The most personal part of this? I tended to be the one she had on my knees the most s u c k ing off the others. And if there were family gatherings but she was not there or was not in the mood to tease us, the group of us male cousins would have our own s u c k and j e r k off parties. If she was not direcring us, we were all common c o c k s u m e r s, it was only at her direction with us that i was the busiest one.

She stopped being interested by the time she was 17. We male cousins continued to do these things. Even as we aged well into our 20s. We would sometimes get together to do so, in pairs or the group, and sometimes we would talk about how we hated how we had allowed ourselves to be led into all of it. We gradually grew out of that behavior completely but it was a long struggle because we had become a very severely addicted bunch.

Over time family gossip informed us that Sarah would fu ck anyone any time outisde the family. As my fellow male cousins and i learned of this, i said it was a shame someone else outside the family was enjoying all that. It led to me learning from my cousins that Sarah had been all of their firsts. My cousins did not understand why that angered me so much, and when i calmed down i confessed to them that i had twice begged Sarah to be my first and she had refused me both times. My cousins were both shocked and supportive, telling me that none of them had ever mentioned it but assuned she had claimed all their vir gin ities. She had been the one that approached them for that. They had just assumed it was the same for me because i was the one that was truly utterly infatuated with her. They offered to try to talk to her and find out why i was the only one she rejected from clsiming virginity but promised they would not at my sincere pleading because i did not want to know. All of us had dated and had s** with other women, our only male male experiences were amongst ourselves. It was even more hurtful and angering and even my fellow male cousins had figured she would have slept with me also because they figured i was her favorite, her most devoted and star “performer”. But they did also point out that when they had each lost their virginity to her that it was the last time she did anything with each of them ever again. It was a mystery to us all but my cousins were very empathetic and understood my hurt and anger. We never talk to or hear from Sarah any more, and i still sometimes wonder why i was the only one she rejected that way. It is f’d up that this is still a low level pain for me. Being the only cousin she didn’t f u c k.

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