I miss Jason. I never stop missing him. I will never stop missing him. Even when I’m around other people I can’t stop thinking of him. Even when I’m having s** with someone he slips into my mind. I feel guilty for that, but I can’t stop it. I’m going to kill myself, I’m just waiting for my mom to be in better health so that I don’t accidentally kill her with the stress. I don’t feel safe with anybody. Nobody else makes me feel like I’m an actual human being. If I can’t be around the only safe person in my life while I’m alive, I’d rather watch over them from beyond the grave. I think I’ll be more helpful that way too, and I wouldn’t even be able to get in people’s way as I’m trying to help. That’s my ultimate fantasy. To help without being noticed and without causing inconvenience. I want to make good things happen for the kindest man to ever grace this earth, even if he doesn’t know it’s me.