Sometimes you have to know when to give up on life, and this seems like one of those times.

I’ve spent my whole life trying hard at everything I do. Studying, exercising, trying to be a good friend, partner, child, person… But despite all my efforts, it seems that everything always goes wrong in the end.

I studied music at the conservatory. What good is that doing me now? Nothing. I’ve obtained official certificates in several languages. What good are they doing me? Nothing. I’ve completed a degree and a master’s degree. Am I finding work (literally anything)? No. I exercise and eat well to stay strong and healthy. Have I been sick for more than two weeks? You didn’t expect this, but I’m going to say yes.

There are so many questions that, when I ask myself, the answer is contrary to the effort I put into answering them that I wonder if it wouldn’t be better to just give up, stop studying, stop looking for work, eat whatever I want and not lift a finger. Not to strive to be ethically good to myself, not to argue with people about my beliefs, not to worry about anyone but myself.

After all, what good has it done me all this time?