I have a best friend from my second semester who has a boyfriend. Initially, we were part of the same friend group but never really talked. However, one day, something happened to her, and from that moment on, we became really close. Everything was perfect—we trusted each other with all our secrets, insecurities, and everything else.
By the end of the second semester, the entire friend group had a falling out and broke apart, but the two of us remained friends. Now, in college, we only have each other as close friends.
We used to talk for hours—the longest conversation we ever had was for 8 hours straight. I personally feel that our vibe matched perfectly. We have the same family structure: both of our parents are teachers, we have the same number of relatives, and even our past experiences are quite similar. There were times when my phone’s internet was off, my phone was on silent, yet if she texted me at midnight, I would somehow wake up with a feeling that she was trying to talk to me. It may sound made-up, but it’s actually true. I’m really attached to her and afraid of losing this friendship.
By the third semester, things started to go wrong. I developed feelings for her—not because she is beautiful (although she is extremely beautiful)—but because of her nature, the way she thinks and feels about everything. I couldn’t believe how someone could be that kind and genuine. However, I refused to accept that I liked her, because I knew how much this friendship meant to both of us.
Not accepting my feelings made me miserable. We started having silly fights, and after about a month of struggling with my emotions, I finally accepted the fact that I liked her. But I promised myself that I wouldn’t let my feelings ruin our friendship.
Then, the real problem began. Since we were each other’s only close friends, we spent most of our time together. This made her boyfriend uncomfortable. He started fighting with her, making her cry at night. There were phases when she even stopped talking to me because of him. He imposed several conditions and restrictions on her:
We couldn’t spend time together after classes.
We couldn’t talk after dinner.
Initially, he just wanted her to spend her evenings only with him, which I was okay with.
But then, new restrictions kept coming—no going outside the campus for fun, and eventually, he didn’t even want us to spend time together inside the campus.
Right now, because of him, our friendship has become extremely limited.
We can’t spend time together after classes.
We can’t meet in the early evening or on holidays.
We can’t talk for more than 15 minutes.
We can’t watch movies on video calls.
We can’t play games together.
We can’t go outside the campus.
Sometimes, it feels like the only time we have left is during class, because he’s not there. But now, he even tries to come between us during class breaks. I feel like it’s only a matter of time before he gives her an ultimatum: either end this friendship or he will break up with her.
Now, you might think that I’m doing all this because I love her, but the truth is, I’ve never let my feelings get in the way of our friendship.
Let me share her side as well, because you might think she doesn’t care about this friendship anymore. The truth is, she does. Even now, we find ways to talk despite all the restrictions. I’ve seen her cry for this friendship. There was a time when we both cried for hours over everything that was happening. I know how much this friendship means to her. But I also know that her relationship is equally important to her. She has shared everything with me, and that’s what makes it even harder—because the more I get to know her, the deeper I fall in love with her.
Despite this, I’ve controlled myself from confessing my feelings, because I know that if I do, he will never let us be together again. She will lose her only friend—the one she trusted with all her insecurities.
Sometimes, I feel like I should walk away. At least their fights would stop, and she would be happy. But it hurts not being with her.