I don’t trust anyone anymore except for Jason. He’s the only person that I know for a fact will defend me when I’m not in the room. The people that want me to open up are the people that have already left me, or that will leave me as soon as I do. Everyone leaves as soon as I tell them about the abuse from my partner. They take his side or call me a liar and then leave, or if they’re a therapist they just dump me and tell me to find a new one. Nobody is safe except for Jason. He’s the only trustworthy one. He’s the only one whose side I could be on, knowing that he’s on my side too. Even if he didn’t think I was in the right he was still on my side by actually telling me things that I’m not aware of due to my autism or hearing loss or just general confusion. The truth can hurt, but not as much as never knowing where you’re going wrong. I will never trust anyone again except for him. There is nobody else that can convince me that they care about me enough for me to want to live. One of the people that wants me to open up is my ex. Why would I be vulnerable with her when she already left me in favor of someone else? My current partner didn’t even pick me first; He chose someone else, got his heart broken by the cheater, cried in my arms over her, and waited until I was finally moving on from him to tell me that he loved me. Since he’s hit me in anger and told me that he hates me 3 times I seriously doubt that he loves me now. I don’t have a home anymore. Nowhere and nobody is safe. If Jason talked to me I’d be willing to think it might be worth changing my life, but there’s nobody else I want to live for. It took too much work to get to the little bit of happiness I managed to have, and I don’t have it in me to do the work to get to that point again. I got to the top of the hill and the boulder crushed me on the way down. I really feel like I’m in the lonliest hell.