If you want to know, I’m doing this to get this off my chest, or even get some advice.
I have suffered with an ED (Eating Disorder) for 10+ years now.
I am 21 (well turning it this 28th of June) and I hate this, but it keeps me going (not really but you get the idea…)
I have kept biting my tongue out of stress, now it’s bleeding and I feel my mouth getting dried. I can’t walk without support from fixtures or walls. I’m not skinny. Obviously…
I tried getting help, cancelled, and was asked to keep going. So I did. I’m so stupid I feel like, and then I admitted to my mom about my thoughts of hiding the cancellation from her, just so I could keep starving and say “I’m in treatment” just so I didn’t have to see her…
Messed up right?
Well I think the worst thing right now is how I can’t sleep. Can’t function, can’t walk/talk/act right. My language is slurred. My every move literally is a disaster.
I lost 40+ in 1 month and 1 week, that’s not good enough even if google says it is. Idc… it’s not perfect.
And I need to get help, but I don’t want to because I know if I do, they’ll stop my progress.
I lied to several people saying I’d get help. But I can’t.
I really can’t. I’m afraid I’ll be heavy, bloated and miserable.
So that’s why I came here: To find advice.
I don’t know who all talks on this website. But I definitely feel alone.
I feel trapped in this. And no one else gets it.
I might keep going, but I’d rather get another person’s advice who doesn’t know me that well. (Well, based on what I’ve told anyways)
Anyways, thanks you for reading this, and if you respond I appreciate the helpful/unhelpful comments…
Ty! <3