• 2 months ago

I’ve been verbally abusive toward my husband when I get overwhelmed and or frustrated. I would like to say that it’s not the “horrible kind” like name calling and whatnot, to try and make it less than what it is, but it is bad because anything that hurts someone you love, causing them to feel badly is the worse no matter how you try and spin it.

The way I’ve been behaving makes me sick, it’s exactly how my abusive deceased husband used to speak to me. Well, not exactly he was extremely vicious and violent in many ways but regardless, it reminds me of him and it is vile because my husband is the sweetest, most precious person in the universe and I adore him, he doesn’t deserve how I’m acting!

I’m so stressed, depressed, anxious overwhelmed, frustrated and I don’t know how to fix any of it. I lash out at anyone who crosses my path but mostly him. It isn’t constant but whenever it does happen, inside I’m like “why are you saying these things?”, “just stop!”, “are you trying to push him away?”. The answer is… I think so, I think he deserves bettet than me and my miserable life. I of course don’t really want him to leave but I don’t know if I can stop being such a massive worthless c***. I seriously hate myself for what I’ve become!

I just hope that whatever happens he knows that I love him and that I’ll do whatever it takes to make myself better and deserving of him.

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