4 years
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Halli, I really really do like you. I am not sure how much of an attraction it is but I definitely have feelings for you. I wanted to be your friend. I wanted and still want to. I want to get to know you and spend time with you before getting into a relationship. I feel that is often the best way-plus If things don’t work I would still have you in my life-you know before making the big leap! Well I have tried but you make it so difficult. You are either playing too hard to get or you just don’t like me and are guarded or friend zoning? I don’t know. You do seem to enjoy when we talk but maybe it’s just the attention? I care and feel for you so much. I think of the nicest kindest things to say to you and it doesn’t seem to barely move you. I dress up and put on perfume to smell nice and it’s all for you. Everyone tells me how great I look, my fashion sense etc but you don’t seem to care or notice at all. It’s like I’m giving you my best and getting so little in return. Then there is the dating site so I thought well why not try it out and see? Because doing this thing with you is heartbreaking and moving on and the thought of “leaving” you is also heartbreaking but I need and deserve to be happy either way . I care for you so much but I deserve and want to be happy even if that means without you. I’m still yours if you will have me but I can’t keep doing this cat and mouse “go fish” game with you. I have done come so close to shaking youb(not really) and yelling (of course not)-only in my mind or asking do you like me?! But I feel the answer should be clear and forcing the issue would push you away

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Many mornings i sit on my front porch with coffee and a cigarette as a relaxing way to watch the world wake up. This morning i was doing so with the residual taste of the male runner i orally please (usually weekly but sometimes more frequently) still clinging in my throat. An older couple was on ther morning walk today, i see them occasionally. She was the usual casual wave and good morning but he did not even glance my direction. She called him out on it and told him to at least say good morning, and they were on their way again. As they walked away he turned and looked back at me with an uncertain ezpression on hia face I hope she did not give him grief later, because i know why he was acting awkwardly. About six weeks ago he made his first visit to my back yard shed to take his own pleasure in my mouth. It was actually emotional for him because he had not gotten any relief in a very long time. I told him he was welcome any time. But like many older married men he was truly suffering the guilt and shame of taking his pleasure in a man’s mouth and for being unfaithful to his wife. But naturally after getting the incredible pleasure i gave him as i reverently worshipped his hard hungry male flesh…he told me during and after that he had no idea such pleasure existed…his guilt and remorse and shame got to him and after a couole of weeks i assumed he would never return. But sure enough, i eventually saw him on a morning solo walk and he came up to me unable to even speak or ask, and i simply had him follow me to my back yard shed and without speaking i gave him what he needed again. And of course afterwards despite his enjoyment in the moment, he was in tears again and said he could never do this again. But a week later, he was back for more. Then again a few days after that This is where we are at as i saw him on his walk with his wife this morning. I have sincere empathy for his inner crisis, and he kmows if he comes back for more he will get it time and again. I know it sounds arrogant but i know eventually he will come back again and again. Not because i am conceited but because i simply know men and the type of man that seeks what i give them on my knees. He will come back because they all do eventually this is simply how some men get what they need and i enjoy giving it to them for a host of reasons…..from the diary of a closet neighborhood cocksucker