I don’t know how people date and are with people they don’t love or have feelings for unless you get fooled into it.

I’ve been fooled into being with a woman years ago who I actually despised from day one. I hated everything about her. So I understand that. I was young and more naive than I thought I was, but the fucked up part is she didn’t like me either. She initiated everything. I went along with it.

I realized later, after I f****** hated her. She was one of the worst people (for me) that I ever met. That’s not to say other people don’t love her, or she is a bad person from everyone’s perspective, but I f****** hated her on so many levels and do hate her even to this day. I despise everything about her but that’s not saying much. I hate a lot of people for a lot of reasons. Some trivial, some serious. The next person I meet who secretly knows her and tries to get close to me, I hated her and anyone and everyone connected to her. I hated literally everything about her. I still fantasize about stabbed ng a few of them to f****** death in overkill. I need to stop now, I’m getting worked up.

But there was a time when I actually believed I loved her. That relationship scrambled my brain. That was the most fuckked up thing I ever experienced.

I guess what I’m saying is DROP THE GUY. Now. Let him go.