My demons have teeth. They are very dangerous. and they are intent on destroying me. every time i sleep i have nightmares, some of me just in agony, other times i see myself inflicting harm on others, and wake with a rock hard c*** drenched in sweat and have to shake the images of abused children from my mind. I use drugs, a lot of drugs. if i don’t sleep then no nightmares, if i pass-out stoned.. nothing. otherwise visions of me just being evil, or having evil done to me. how can i ask for help? how do i tell someone that i only get erect over nonconsensual, brutal, illegal, sick and taboo acts? i used to be fine, a cute age appropriate girl in a short skirt and i was a happy lad. but i had head injuries. bad ones. and now all i see is darkness. i walk past a very young girl and want her, im alone with a 8yo boy and i start thinking hes flirting and hinting for special attention. i cant be around others because my head injuries mean i dont always hide my inner self well. i have false memories of r***** children i have never been alone with. and its getting worse. i have decided that i will never inflict this evil on an innocent. i have decided to take my own life. i have 3g of fentanyl and a syringe. i also have enough meth to have a really great goodbye bender. i have arranged for the utilities to be shut off, and have socially isolated myself to prevent visitors for some time. this time next week ill be gone. it was a s*** life anyway, full of potential but ultimately a failure. I regret nothing. better now that after i lose control and hurt others. i never liked humans, just thought id say it