My demons have teeth. They are very dangerous. and they are intent on destroying me. every time i sleep i have nightmares, some of me just in agony, other

4 years

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My demons have teeth. They are very dangerous. and they are intent on destroying me. every time i sleep i have nightmares, some of me just in agony, other times i see myself inflicting harm on others, and wake with a rock hard c*** drenched in sweat and have to shake the images of abused children from my mind. I use drugs, a lot of drugs. if i don’t sleep then no nightmares, if i pass-out stoned.. nothing. otherwise visions of me just being evil, or having evil done to me. how can i ask for help? how do i tell someone that i only get erect over nonconsensual, brutal, illegal, sick and taboo acts? i used to be fine, a cute age appropriate girl in a short skirt and i was a happy lad. but i had head injuries. bad ones. and now all i see is darkness. i walk past a very young girl and want her, im alone with a 8yo boy and i start thinking hes flirting and hinting for special attention. i cant be around others because my head injuries mean i dont always hide my inner self well. i have false memories of r***** children i have never been alone with. and its getting worse. i have decided that i will never inflict this evil on an innocent. i have decided to take my own life. i have 3g of fentanyl and a syringe. i also have enough meth to have a really great goodbye bender. i have arranged for the utilities to be shut off, and have socially isolated myself to prevent visitors for some time. this time next week ill be gone. it was a s*** life anyway, full of potential but ultimately a failure. I regret nothing. better now that after i lose control and hurt others. i never liked humans, just thought id say it

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My art therapist/group therapist and I were having an illegal affair. I would write secret messages to her and she would read them and respond to them in person. She would do favors i asked of her, like wearing outfits i asked her to wear, she’d even do me s***** favors. I made her a google drive full of p*** of me and then crafted a puzzle link to get to it that only she could have known. The link was a tinyurl with three phrases in the url that only she could have known. We would walk for an hour every day and swing at the park. I would write her poetry and play love songs for her every day. She broke the rules to play mario kart with me constantly when her boss was out. We had something magical. But she would never communicate directly with me because sge was afraid she’d lose her liscence to practice and her boyfriend and house, abd when I pushed her to unmask and be real, she told me I was wasting my time. Well that pissed me off and I crashed out a little abd she used that crash out to get me kicked out of my group therapy program. She wants out and I told her she’s not allowed to want out. I told her If she doesn’t reach out to me and continue this affair, that i will report her and get her liscence taken away and if that doesn’t work ill find some other way to ruin her life. You dont go from gooning in the bathroom at work to someone to throwing them away in the same week. Thats fucked. I’ll post her name here soon if she stays quiet and doesn’t reach out to me.