Nowhere to talk cause I don't want friends, family or acquaintances know how bad my ex was as I think this is not right thing to do but I need somewhere

4 years

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Nowhere to talk cause I don’t want friends, family or acquaintances know how bad my ex was as I think this is not right thing to do but I need somewhere to shout this out. Ended with 8.5years old relationship. About a month before breakup, I made an online friend. No flirting, he didn’t know my gender and even called me ‘bro’. I liked the friendship and the time we spend together online. had lots of conversation and never been tired talking with him. I truly see he is a genuine and innocent man with beautiful heart. Eventually I could tell myself that I started to be interested in him but I didn’t reveal my gender before breakup. Anyway, put this guy aside, I was not happy with my relationship. my ex cheated on me so many times throughout our relationship (except 2 years before we ended it). 100% of times he was denial and even blamed that on me. I didn’t even know it really damaged me. One night, I saw his suspicious behavior. When every time he showed this, then there was something he did behind my back. I had negative feelings to see that and believed that was due to the jealousy. But soon I realized the negative feelings were just like the ‘Pablos dog experiment’. To confirm this revelation, I started to imagine what if he is having s** with a lady in front of me. I surprisingly felt fine. I felt the total freedom. I pondered 2 more days to be sure. Then I asked him to breakup. He seemed accepting and said ‘well we both didn’t love each other anyway’. Thought it was fine. On the day when we broke up

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My art therapist/group therapist and I were having an illegal affair. I would write secret messages to her and she would read them and respond to them in person. She would do favors i asked of her, like wearing outfits i asked her to wear, she’d even do me s***** favors. I made her a google drive full of p*** of me and then crafted a puzzle link to get to it that only she could have known. The link was a tinyurl with three phrases in the url that only she could have known. We would walk for an hour every day and swing at the park. I would write her poetry and play love songs for her every day. She broke the rules to play mario kart with me constantly when her boss was out. We had something magical. But she would never communicate directly with me because sge was afraid she’d lose her liscence to practice and her boyfriend and house, abd when I pushed her to unmask and be real, she told me I was wasting my time. Well that pissed me off and I crashed out a little abd she used that crash out to get me kicked out of my group therapy program. She wants out and I told her she’s not allowed to want out. I told her If she doesn’t reach out to me and continue this affair, that i will report her and get her liscence taken away and if that doesn’t work ill find some other way to ruin her life. You dont go from gooning in the bathroom at work to someone to throwing them away in the same week. Thats fucked. I’ll post her name here soon if she stays quiet and doesn’t reach out to me.