There were just some inconsistencies with what you said and what i saw happen. I thought you might have misinterpreted things because of that, but i wasnt sure either, i checked several times to find out what was “actually” happening, and i only got more confused. I was mostly taking time away to contemplate, making sure to not make anyone think i was making any real decisions they knew about. I did hold things back because of that. Sometimes i blurted things out, which i regretted after. And i stupidly believed others when they told me i was wrong. I think i was just in denial because i didnt want someone to be lying to me. And i didnt want to stop being supportive even if he was being a slimy moron. It made me angry, absolutely. But i felt having him pedal back on a confession and pretending he was misspelling was enough punishment, a trap as it meant he could never actually confess without me losing it, or at least never seriously being able to do it without me indirectly/”abstractly” turning him down. And i was also just avoiding conflict. I didnt realize it meant anything serious or losing you. I honestly dont remember half of it or what i was thinking, but at the time, i would and could have explained it, within reason. I did think about what to do a lot, probably too much. I didnt handle it perfectly but to the best of my ability to handle situations like this alongside my lack of experience with them? Good enough, at least not terrible, in my eyes. But i guess thats all relative. It does have to do with some flaws of how i react in certain situations so, not a great test. I guess i can only learn from it.