I can only love you irrespective of what you think or feel. Yes I am not really sure you are here or not, whether you still think of me or not. Sometimes I do feel you are here and you respond in a very subtle manner then happiness fills my heart but as surety is not guaranteed I refuse to get carried away. The experience, the rollercoaster is like an elusive butterfly it slips through my fingers the moment I want to hold and makes me stand face to face with harsh reality. I take a step back and just wait for the roaring waves to calm down allowing the dust to settle. I know I have to walk this path alone nothing will be changed, it’s a hopeless wait. Yes all may ask then why do I come here I also don’t know why? The exact reason is unknown it’s a combo of many things. You may call it a habit, years of practice ,following the same mundane things, a hobby of penning my thoughts in cryptic away far from the known eyes, may be this is my only place where I can be me, my unmasked persona where I can reveal my every emotion be it love, hate, pain anger almost everything. May be I really found my soulmate here with whom I feel I communicate and through my miinds eye I see your face without you having an inkling of anything what is going on. May be that is why sometimes I feel you are detached, ruthless, heartless. It’s so chaotic the brain is in complete mess. I don’t blame you for anything my Casanova. I know you are unaware of the things going on in life, you are in someplace else, me alone on my bed and given the rush of feelings cascading through obviously one of us is in wrong place. I don’t know how to draw inference I gave up trust me I don’t expect you to come like prince in the shining armor and rescue me:) life is not fairy tale if only it was then also our tale wouldn’t have ended in living happily ever after way…..
I trust as there is monstrous pain, hurt that is why heart loves so much and the pull is unfathomable. Though it’s all my perspective no onus on your shoulder to prove anything. You are free as, always I don’t need anything from you I have buil my own world – me & my pen and paper trespassers are highly prohibited:)
I missed you then, I miss you still & will…. . Always.