I don’t think I’m doing very well. For years, maybe forever, I’ve prided myself on stability, on feeling happy. I don’t feel happy any more. Some days are better than others, but more than most days I feel lonely, and I don’t feel good enough.

I know I shouldn’t have looked back tonight. I don’t know if I miss that. Actually I think I do. But I miss feeling special. I miss someone telling me they love me. I miss being loved. I miss being in love. I feel so alone. I just want to be loved again.

It hurts so badly to see my dream play out in real time. I’m not doing ok. I don’t know who to tell or how to do it. I want to feel alive. I want to feel awake. I want to be the person everyone thinks I am. Right now I feel stupid. I feel tired. I have no energy. No motivation.

I want to wake up every morning to share my love with someone. To text them I miss them. I love them. To tell them how I feel. For someone to look at me with love in their eyes. To hold me close and to tell me what I mean to them. I feel so empty and so alone.

I don’t feel good enough. I’m not attractive enough. I don’t know what to do.

I hope one day things will be better.

Please.