At the end of january I let these two criminals into my home. I didn’t know it at the time, but jenn later admitted to me that she came into my home–where

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At the end of january I let these two criminals into my home. I didn’t know it at the time, but jenn later admitted to me that she came into my home–where my special needs children lived–with heroin on her person. i’ll get to that in a moment. immediately she walked into my home, a place where she would live rent-free and only contribute food stamps that her and her husband went through during their time up at night while my children and I slept. the deal was that they would either clean while I took care of the kids or pay 50/50. they had no income and ssi wouldn’t approve their case after 5 years of trying to get it, so they were stuck cleaning. from the get go she expressed disdain for my children because toddlers are “[censored]” and “messy.” I began to feel like a horrible mother and my already bad depression began to spiral out of control. we had bonded over surgery complication after surgery complication. I thought I finally had first hand understanding of what it was like to be in pain, to have anxiety, etc. I had my shortcomings and I admit them wholeheartedly. the difference was that I learned from them.

So february came around. at this point jenn was using house m. d – level opiates and it became apparent that jenn had snorted through her script and needed to run down to lancaster to get what she would call medications. I also started noticing that she would go over to my family’s home, all of them being older and pain patients to some degree themselves and would do nothing but [censored] about how “dirty” my home was, and how awful of a mom I was. that my children would be better off in foster care. that she would go through my room to find things to pawn. that my addictions and depression would ruin them. my family kept their mouths shut and they finally got my husband to come over on his day off and told us everything that was being said, and when confronted jenn lied about it. the next morning, she demanded that she go down to lancaster for meds and to “see her children”, which she never did, and I found out that they aren’t allowed to see them until dec 2018 or until they follow the court ordered classes and submit to supervised visitations. that morning she demanded that I take my paypal card and fill up her gas tank. that was after I told her I wouldn’t just give her my card. I went to the gas station up the road and when I opened her gas cap I accidentally opened her trunk. inside her trunk was my cricut explore cutting machine, several laptops that were broken and or put back together, cell phones, etc. I was furious and took everything to my mother’s home to keep them cleaning out her trunk.

New Confession

I wish I had one more day with so many people. One more moment. Damn these lonely last few years.

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Idk if this happens commonly or if i am just very very unlucky. My father passed away 9 years before my mother. When she passed it was time to clean out the home they lived in for over 30 years of a 60 year marriage. My father took his camera with him all over the world in the military. Still camera and 8mm. Boxes and boxes of slides and reels. I simply saved them and set them aside for later. I got time months later and got one of those 35mm slide to jpg scanners and just ground thru them. When i got them all scanned i got a later chance to prop my feet up and go thru them. Amongst all the widespread scenery and travel and cool vintage moments i stumble across pics of my mother. Many of them simple poses in many places, mostly outdoors, she was actually a modestly attractive classic pinup type. But then i run into the lingerie shots. And then the tasteful n u d e s indoors and outdoors. And then the real shocker. On any scale my mother was the classic church going uppity prudish b**** woth zero tolerance for bawdy or suggestive behavior or language. Hell sometimes i would say something crude just to push her uptight buttons. You would not believe how bent out of shape she got when she found evidence of my first s** dream on the sheets. Or at least what i ever saw from her was that way.

But i see hundreds of shots that are full bore graphic. Nothing artful about them. Spread shots, bendovers, hands between her legs, and then actually having s**. But in none of them is my father the man she is havimg s** with. He was obviously behind the camera. Some of them? A minister i recognize because she used to drag me to church all the time. Neighbors or friends of my parents that i remember. . It just kept piling on. Shots of my mother having lesbian s** with my aunt, my father’s older sister. Shots of my mother with other women i dont recognize, shots of my aunt with some of the same women. Shots of my mother with multiple men. Def did not wake up that or any day expecting or wanting to see pics of my mother getting spitroasted or used by a group of men and pretty much looking like she is having a grand time. When i do manage to force myself to power thru them all, hypocrtically, my parents were both moderately racist, but the handful that did have my father in them? He was having s** with a few different women, all african american women, except for one woman. His f****** sister, the same aunt i saw shots of my mother having s** with.

The s***** part was having to go through all of them because i did not want to risk losing family photos or memories or history that were NOT my parents’ s** escapades. At that point i accepted that the stack of 8mm movies might be similar. And i was right. The huge majority of them were my mother and the various random men my mother was having s** with, but some of the men were not in the still shot stack. No decent family movies at all sadly, the whole lot except 3 of the 8mm were either my mother and who tf knows who the men were, or great, a lesbian movie with my same aunt. The 3 exceptions? A mix of my parents doing foursomes with two diff couples. Both of those couples i knew/ remembered as family friends, i had grown up with their kids. In both cases wife swapping with my parents. And the crown jewel…..obviously sarcastically….my dad with my mother and aunt.

Look don,t get me wrong, i am nowhere near a prude, we all have our little quirks and kinks. I am not judging any of them, it was theie thing to do. I confess i had a few queasy reactions because the stills and movies span a time from before i or my sister were even born, to a time when we were mid 30s, which put my parents and aunt in their 70s. Hell i hope i am still having s** when i am that age.

By the time i was done, i had one focus…..there was not a condom in sight in any of it. Was my father actually my father? Is my sister my full sister or half sister? Do i have half siblings i dont even know somewhere? How glad am i that i have never done the spit in a tube ancestry or 23 and me thing, because i do not want to fall into that vortex of doom?