i am meant to hate you, i am meant to wish that i never met you and call you a cunt and be mad at you and wish that we never happened, but i don't i hope

4 years

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i am meant to hate you, i am meant to wish that i never met you and call you a c*** and be mad at you and wish that we never happened, but i don’t
i hope that i never forget our memories and i hope that i remember every single song you have sent me
i hope that i listen to a song and accidentally add it to my “send to …” folder and take a minute to realise i can no longer send them to you
i hope that i remember every single detail and line of your face
i am not mad at you
i am mad at myself
i am mad at my friends
i am mad that i don’t know what to do and i am mad that all my friends do
i am mad that i can’t take their advice
i am mad that you did something that hurt me
i am mad that you hurt me
i am mad that i am no longer talking to you
i am mad that none of my friends like you anymore
i am mad that i want to forgive you
i am mad that i want to text you again
i am mad that so many of my favourite songs are ones you showed me
i am mad that my routine is built around you
i am mad that i no longer fall asleep while texting you
i am mad that i no longer wake up and reply to said text
i am mad that i no longer need to check for phone for your messages
i am mad that i still do
i am mad
i am mad at everything
everything but you

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2hermanoz

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My secret, as tough as it is, is that I still love the former Shaolin warrior monk a lot. I’m going crazy over him. I love him deeply. My love for him is at 100%, but I try to hide my feelings so I can focus on myself.

I really love him. I keep coming back here because I can share my feelings without any pressure. I was putting things off again because of him. I was almost done editing a video when I thought of him again.

I don’t want to check the social media of the man who used to be a Shaolin warrior monk and is now an actor, or the woman I think is just a friend. I’m not sure if she is really just a friend or something more. I might see something I don’t want to see again. I’m going crazy over that man, and since I have no one else to talk to, I can confess here again. I love him so much. Really. So much. So very much.