To: I confess. I abuse my birdie and I lie to Mother and say I didn’t rub my bird.
Me: Continue as you are – toilet paper is better than, well, nothing and you won’t go to Hell, because such a place does not exist – that is the religious take on something nobody can confirm one way or the other. I used to be a 5 times a day man, probably more often as a kid, I don’t remember – it sure takes the pressure off when you want to f*** a female but can’t get close to her – worn out, but happy and what you think, are your thoughts alone, which helps.
Don’t ever tell your mummy anything, what you do with your body is your business not hers and how you relieve yourself and your mind is for you only. She does not, after all, tell you what she does.
It also helps to b************* when you get the cold shoulder for a f*** – it shows you don’t really need them at all and if they are not going to contribute, stiff s***, you are still going to get your moment of pleasure anyway – however, it might be an early warning sign its time to move on – a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, so make sure you have one to move on to, before you do that!!