I would do anything she wanted or needed and nothing she doesn’t.

The unfortunate thing about my existence now is I can be multiple things with multiple people, women, not necessarily at the same time but because of my experiences, it’s hard for me to expect anything solid. I always believe it will eventually come to an end so I’m usually preparing myself for goodbye from the start.

That’s not to say I don’t care or can’t feel, I do, strongly, just that some of the screwed up situations and people in my life over the last few decades seem to have crossed a few wires in my brain and short circuited a few areas. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad, a few good changes came from it, but it does put me on guard too. Which could possibly block the wrong people out. People who should not be blocked out behind the wall.

There’s a few women out there, actually there isn’t a few, there’s one, the rest are lost causes…. I know it’s wrong, but I would probably give her anything she wanted or needed whenever she wanted it and nothing that she doesn’t Because I love her. If that means she needs me for physical closeness and human contact. Yes. A place to vent? Absolutely. Just to sit around and do nothing thing to be near someone? For sure. To leave her alone because she is and has been on the right track, I had my chances and blew them, it’s my loss? I can and I have no choice but to accept that, but it doesn’t make me bitter or angry, or whatever. It doesn’t change how I feel.

It a strange conundrum. I don’t do what I imply above with a woman in her position normally. I write her off as not available and forget it. I’m not a scumbag. But with her… It’s a conundrum.

I wouldn’t think she’s not a good person if she needed something I could give her and she came to me for it, even under the circumstance she is under. But I definitely wouldn’t want to screw up her life because of it either.