I hate existing. I genuinely feel sick in my stomach when I wake up in the morning. I feel guilty because I have children that I cant leave here on this horrid planet alone. So I forced to stay alive everyday, like a gun to my head, because I promised that I wouldn’t leave them here alone, since we have no family and no support system. I’ve reclused myself into my home and literally leave once maybe twice a month because I despise humanity so much and it’s the only way to suppress the urge to serial kill random people because society is a dumpster. Especially with f****** racist pos white people living here and the racist f****** flat faced asians. Their existence makes it THAT much harder to stay here. All the pain that they have caused, the conditions that their decisions and racist actions have put people like me in. Trapped on American soil and told to just get over it. No roots to trace to because all of that was stolen from me and the rest of the people that look like me because some pale b**** thought it was ok to kidnap people and leave them stuck here in America. I hate it here, I hate how expensive it is to eat, to just survive. I hate that there are people out there that have violated me and the f****** joke a** court system didn’t do anything about it. I just want to die and get it over with and be done with it. Religion is a joke, there is no god or heaven or hell. There’s just nothing after death. But I love my kids so much and don’t want them to be stuck here on this s*** hole of a planet alone and can’t ever bring myself to take them out with me. So I stay. In pain. Depressed. Isolated. Sobbing to my core, because I just want to die. Sincerely.