• 1 week ago

No sorry, 3 girls. I blew off one who should have been ranked higher. I really regret that too. That one I’m really sorry for early 20’s. Truly sorry I am a jerk and I hate myself. She was my first real friend. 4 years old, family friend parents were friends. I remember her mom coming over to meet my mom about us going to school. She was crying her head off. I took her in and listened to some records with her. She stopped crhing. I moved away 5 or 6, our mom’s stayed friends in contact well into our teens. We saw each other into our teens and then lost contact.

I decided to take a college course. Community college. Guess who is in town to take a police services course? I would see her in the hall, alone. See her sitting at a table alone. She saw me and knew who I was too. I never said a word. I was living in granny’s basement.

Again, I hated myself. She was always sweet to me. She was cute too. I don’t know what the hell but fuck me I hate myself for that. I really hated myself then. I know what I did and I’m a jerk. I honestly hate myself for that. Fuck. What a fucking jerk I was. My mom loved her like a daughter. Fuck.

I saw her on the news here, up where she was taking about the highway. I had to go up there for work to pick up someone stranded, I hoped she would pull me over. I fantasized it. Not in a mean way, I wanted to see if she would let me go or her reaction.

3 women I hurt. I know. I am sorry. The rest are not a that big of a deal. There was nothing serious enough going on for me to worry about hurt. If I did hurt, believe me, I know and I can admit it.