I'll never be normal. I really don't fit in, everything feels like a game and unreal, as if nothing is ever true. It just feels so fucking weird tbh. I

4 years

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I’ll never be normal. I really don’t fit in, everything feels like a game and unreal, as if nothing is ever true. It just feels so f****** weird tbh. I don’t want to exist, it is exhausting to exist tbh. I just wish I wasn’t born, I don’t know what am I doing in life. Everything feels so fake and weird and it kinda hurts. Life feels so weird to me, everything feels so fake. My emotions are so weird, I don’t feel normal, everything is a performance, always wearing a mask. I hate how I will never be normal or feel normal, my desire and attachment to my friends is weird, I just wish you were happy or better, I wish yoy paid attention to me. I wish I was on your mind. I am so tired. Human relations are so weird and tiring, I don’t want ti have friends ever again, I wanna stay away, because if not I’ll want to fuse with people. This will be the only way I can feel less insecure. I wish the human instrumentation project was real, I want nothingness, I want peace, I want this void to be filled. Life is way too hard, I am good at nothing, I have nothing to show for, I have nothing to be able to do. I wanna not exist.

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I hope Betty Elaine Allerding will get raped and murdered soon!

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In Middle school we had a Downs Syndrome girl who liked being felt up. She had round hard t*** so we(three friends of mine and her) would sneak in the Band room $uck her n ipples and B ang her the way she showed us. The second school year she would let us touch if we weren’t naked too since she enjoyed $ucking us off. Shane was the first one to phuck her then she wanted all of us to do it. One day we were coming out of the band room back door to the teachers atrium after the five minute warning bell rang. The band teacher was sitting at a table and asked what we were doing in there. We all started telling him a different story while Amy tucked her blouse in her skirt. Everyone shup up when I said “We were on the stage in the gym and found the Door unlocked to hall way leading to the music/choir room which is connected to the band room. We thought to get to class on time it would be fastest going this way.”. He was a weird short fat guy from West Virginia so we thought he was dumb enough to fall for it. We didn’t realize his office above the storage room had a thin window along the ceiling that was just above his desk that he could watch us from. Amy would pull her blouse out and unbutton it and lay down in front of the Bass drum on a carpeted area. Whoever’s turn it was to phuck her fist would push her dress or skirt up and pull her p****** off of one leg to expose her pudgy Pu$$y. The next year we came back to school she a bush heavy round t its and big a$$. Her belly bigger and seemed to grow bigger by the week. We all knew how to c um Phucking her by then and she would c um 2 times. Before Christmas vacation s*** hit the fan when the school nurse had take a pregnancy test cuz she was getting so fat and her T its were huge. The band Teacher squealed on us pretending to be appalled. She told me the next year when Amy repeated a grade she was in his office to get a poke and she saw the bass drum through the window. Anyway she had three daughters all normal and pretty with good jobs now before she graduated at age 21. Everyone is Good at something Amy was/could still be great at Phucking.