I am embarrased to say to express the truth reality, that many of consequences of my own actions was lack of investment, lack of spending on psychotherapy, etc etc because of STINGINESS towards my own being.I understand that i hated this tiny country to the guts i may say cuz of what id gone through also cuz of their conservative narrow narrowminded society of this place, and therefore would always try to save money, to get the hec out of here/ to travel elsewhere to open my mind, see things from another angle, where tgey were open, n finally clear that screwed up mind to make me open my view to that/ whats out there n beyond.But little did i realise that i was supposed to have grown in this t**.It s called destiny, n always life would bring me back here anyway-,n also cuz of my own lifes choices- turning back. So, what was the bloody point in the 1st place, being stingy on myself, when non investing on therapy etc- no 1 urgency in living a better life, n then from a healthier point, i d put the grounds to be able to move, find a job where i d b able to stay or where theyd not kick me out from, becuz of my lunacy, n then travelling would -LOGICALLY- follow. The fact that i destroyed my life, lost even MORE my dignity,thats was what i was supposed to realise, give value to, my own Self.
N also becuz i hated the bloody government, so bloody corrupted that i didnt want them and the people to gain from me, take from me when i saw ‘nothing’in return at vital moments in my life.Maybe its called karma or the law f attraction or what the hec.

This rips me apart.

……..
…………..