I love you and I really like the short times we talk, but I’ve accepted you don’t want to be around me. It’s why this is irony and makes me laugh. She made me laugh, asking me why you keep coming back to me like ‘what is wrong with you?’ with all the things I put you through. You must be amused with me. I like you too. I’m never going to be a feisty feminist bully of a woman who demands to be with you, a ‘take charge’ mean woman stepping over all other women. It’s not my way and I don’t want to see you as a pushover either. I want to keep imagining you can take charge even though you never do. That’s irony too, because you never will and you’re not the person I imagine. I won’t say f*ck you because none of this even bothers me anymore. I see now. You’re a part of this sad online community where people go when they can’t be someone in real life. It reveals what you believe about yourself and that you’re not grabbing life by the horns because something holds you back. So you stay in this area where everything can be a facade, a non-real life community. As much as you claim ‘but you see these people for brief periods where you use them’, that is not real-life, it’s briefly, temporarily using people where you can simply step away and back into real life easily, back to what’s real. You will probably never in your whole life leave any of it. You can be a star in a particular circle of outcasts. I get it. This is what busys you, so why say f*ck you. It’s not like you’re off doing something amazing without me. You’re grazing the surface of living.
