I am sick of the phone calls here calling my dad pat when his name is john. I am just done with all this and I don’t understand it. I don’t even want to understand it. I just don’t want any relatives around me. Its very simple. I can’t help the situation people put me in. Its really their problem that I am missing out on life and been abused and its not about me , its about them. So just stop it. We been through this with other family and other men and it just puts a dirty label on any thing. You made you bed so go lay in it then. I was led to believe pat was the taxi driver called Jon and now I don’t know what to think. I just don’t care anymore. I mean no harm. I just have nothing in me any more. I only cared about the boy I met back 4 years ago who had lost 1 leg. He didn’t even look at me. I was worried about him. Its not like pat ever asked me out anywhere socially. We had no way of getting to his wedding anyway. I felt his mother didn’t like me anyway. I thought his sister didn’t like me. Lets face it no one liked me. Even college friends were fake. I don’t need this. I have enough of my own pain and illness right now. Life is only barely there for me. I could die any time. So stop being so stupid. I can’t even help myself let alone help anyone else. Besides I don’t know why men even bother me, when its clearly my mother you should be f****** and not caring about a loser who can’t find a man for herself like me. Clearly there are more important people then me. I just don’t want to mix with people in fear I might miss out on a better catch somewhere else. Like Dr Matt or someone even better. I did love you once. But what does love mean? that is what my mother taught me. Love means nothing. forget about it. move on. all I have had is silence for the past 40 years. Loneliness, being shut out and not welcome. Never being any quality mans first choice.