I hate my older sister.

Hello, I’m a 13 year old girl. I hate my 18 year old sister. I’ve always hated her to be completely honest, but for some reason I ignored those thoughts and still seeked her approval. When we were younger, she would hit me to the point where I had bruises and cuts, she would yell at me over the smallest things. She would call me slow, stupid, etc. When she would do this, my mom would just tell her to stop and then do nothing. I had to put up with that for 13 years. When she was around 15, she got arrested for I believe the 3rd time, she was doing drugs, stealing my mom’s car, and a few other things. She went to a place for troubled kids for a while. That year that she was gone was pure bliss. But of course she had to come back eventually. When she did, she was the exact same. She was smoking and vaping, dating adult men, doing explicit things with those adult men, and my mom just seemed to not do anything. When she turned 16, she got pregnant by the 26 year old she had been dating. He was verbally and physically abusive so my sister came back to our house. Timeskip, now her baby is 1 years old, and she is even more of a b****. I have a cat and a dog. They are supposed to be family pets, but only I take care of them. My cat pees on my sister’s stuff. I act concerned, but really, I congratulate my cat. Lately I’ve been in a bit of a depression, and I barely have the motivation to get out of bed and go to school, let alone clean. My sister works as a stripper, she is going out with a guy that cares about her, and her kid is healthy. She doesn’t deserve it. She ruined my life, so why does she get to live happily and be pretty? Why do I suffer while she gets to lead a good life? Why am I so ugly while she turns heads with her beauty? It’s not fair. It’s not fair. I hate her. Most of the time I wish she’d dissapear. I have many mental problems and insecurities because of her. So why? Why is it that I’ve tried my very best and I fail at making friends and being happy? I pray to god, I’m not perfect but I do try, even if it’s not my best, I try more than she did. I wish that someone would save me from this life and take me to start a better one. I want to dissapear.