Unlike everybody around me thinks, I actually HATE kids. I hate that I have to play with them all the day when there is a family gathering, which is every week, I hate that I have to be responsible for the kids of multiple ages, multiple sensitive questions that I don’t know the right answers to. some of them can walk and run anywhere, and some are still too young to walk and I have to keep an eye on all of them, some love to play with the other kids and some don’t and I have to make up games for them to all play together. They refuse to play without me. Some kids hate each other and fight and refuse to play with each other but I have to play with both of them and hear what they are saying when they speak at the same time. I am tired of running and playing games and saying silly stuff. I don’t even wanna sit with adults I just wanna stay alone. I am always nervous that I will teach them something wrong or answer there questions wrong or don’t pay enough attention to them when playing so they get hurt. I don’t know what their parents’ reactions will be when I teach them a word that I didn’t know was wrong or if their kids got hurt while running I am afraid they will scold me or blame me, which happened before when I was a kid I was playing outside with my cousin who is a year younger than me and she hurt her knee because of a car plate and I got blamed for it by her mother. I can’t handle responsibilities and I have no idea how to distance myself from kids I feel guilty when I refuse to play with kids and I feel like all my family expects me to play with their kids all the day and keep them quiet so they won’t have headache. but I have headaches all the time, I don’t get a chance to sit with my family and hear their news or how are they doing, or even have fun and joke around. I don’t know what to do and my mom and sister don’t wanna help me, like even when it’s not the family gathering day they call my nephew on messenger video call and talk to him for like ten minutes and then make any excuses to give me the phone and I have to talk to him and play with him with all these messenger games and effects until my throat hurts for like three hours and pray that the connection will be weak at some point because if I told my nephew “let’s hang up and talk later” he starts crying because of me. although I explicitly told my sister to not give me the phone when I don’t want to, if she wants to call hem and present herself as the caring good aunt in front of our brother’s wife she can do this without getting me involved. I am sick of it and don’t know what to do I tried pretending to be asleep or studying but nothing works. What I am really afraid of is that I might be forced to have a job related to kids.
