Experienced a bit of a panic for approximately eight hours, please forgive me. I had to remind my idiotic self that I have the tendency to romanticize people and occurrences. It wasn’t real on your end, at no point was it real for you. I don’t know why, maybe you were bored. Maybe you get off on manipulating lonely and naive women, which unfortunately can be me at times. I’m a dumb amount of kind and I had, like…ugh *feelings* for you. Real ones. But they were based on who I thought you were and I’m a psychopathic WRITER. I see everything through the stupid f****** lens of poetic expression and that sounds pretentious but I don’t know how else to describe this intensity I always seem to f****** have. Anyways, the important thing is this: It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real. You weren’t real. I made it all up. And though that’s wildly embarrassing, I am going to have to accept it. It wasn’t real. I liked you with an alarming intensity, alarming even to ME, from the moment I saw you in 2018. How sad for me 😂 …but I think you’ve done me a favor. I will never fall for this again. I refuse to, no one will manipulate me again.And should my relationship go in the direction I’ve felt it to be going for quite some time…I genuinely think I will keep my romantic and s***** stuff to myself. Um, that came out weird. But regardless, I’m just done with it. The stuff I create in my head is far less painful and I’d rather be alone.