My ex forced himself and came into my a** while I was saying no a few years back. It was so deep it only started to leak out when I was halfway home on foot. That day he gave me an a*** tear. I never had it treated because I was too ashamed. Recently it opened back up so I saw my doctor yesterday and told her I got it from being constipated. She gave me some cream to apply twice a day. Now with that cream it constantly feels like he’s leaking out of me again. I feel it when I’m outside, I feel it when I’m talking to my parents, I feel it when we’re eating. I feel it all day, all the time. I have to put this cream on morning and evening for 3 weeks everyday and I only just started today.

I am conflicted because it is turning me on and making me wet. I don’t know anymore if what I’m feeling is the cream or myself. I was so angry when he hurt me. I really hated it when it happened and now I’m h**** thinking about it…

When I put that cream on I have to look at myself in a mirror to put it correctly and when I look all I want to do is shove something in but I have to resist the urge because it would hinder healing.