Im planning to kill myself in the near future by the best means i can find. I feel hopeless and my parents refuse to understand me. They argue and yell at me and hit me and when they became aware of my desire for suicide, they only increased their abusive behavior. I have been on and off of cutting myself in the past 2 years and i experienced a slew of medical problems that made me disheartened. I want to be dead. Broken dreams and lost passion keep getting worse. This is the only way. I’m going to commit suicide very soon, and I didn’t want to be totally silent. Everything around me is so vindictive and I feel like I’m in a cardboard box that’s getting smaller as people stab knives into it. I’m alone. I’ve looked into asphyxiation vua nitrogen as a suicidal means, but i don’t know where i can find nitrogen. I can’t stress enough how much a role my parents will play in my upcoming suicide attempt. They will be so angry at me, but I’ll be gone so it won’t matter. If i fail and wake up, they will yell at me and beat me like always. They are 50% of why i feel this way. I don’t feel heard and I’ve lost passion for everything. They have a plan to control me until they die and I’m left with nothing but shattered dreams and brittle hands. I don’t like this life and don’t want to continue. I am alone. It’s a scary world and all i wanted was someone who would try to understand me. Goodbye.