I guess I’ll never understand why people had to be SO s***** to me during my formative years, family. school, every where I went I found abuse and/or rejection. The few friends I’d manage to make would either eventually tire of me and bail, or they would try to manipulate and take advantage of me. It led me to the darkest paths and most awful of places, and ultimately as an adult made me very cold, mean, and introverted to the point where I really don’t care about anyone too much good bad or otherwise. I wish I could’ve skipped all the nonsense and been this way from the get go, never tried to have friends or reach out to people or anything like that, and just been a loner. My family is kept at a safe distance whilst still believing I am involved and/or care about their lives, and with any luck I won’t even have to worry about that in the near future. The only mistake I made was never finding a way to be completely self sufficient and take care of myself entirely on my own with no help from anyone. But I’m married to a wonderful woman who has a good family, bit too close for my comfort but I suppose there’s compromises in life for all of us in order to get the things we want and need. Again I keep them at a loose distance whilst still being as involved as someone like me can be, and I don’t hold the resentments for them that I do for my family as my expectations are lower, so anything nice they do for me and my wife is that much more good for us, as opposed to my family who half asses everything and acts like they are doing god’s work for it. My family is the epitome of unremarkable nobodies with overwhelming senses of entitlement who crave attention and approval for simply existing day to day, utterly clueless to human interaction and how to treat people decently, whilst believing it’s actually everybody else’s fault and that the world should kow tow to them and their way of living. I have been that person as well in my life I’ll admit, and now I reject it. I am fine working low end jobs as I never found my true calling in life, I am fine going unnoticed and ignored for my artistic endeavors, and my abilities with my physical activities I enjoy are also lower than pedestrian because I abandoned it too early in life due to the way I was treated by my peers, have only found it again in the last year or two, and it’s now too late for me to progress really and I’m kinda stuck where I am. I embrace all of these things as they are and try not to be hung up or b*** hurt about what they aren’t. I could’ve made better decisions in life but I was also seen as someone who was dead end and had no chance, so nobody gave me the opportunity. So yes alot of it was my fault and I own it, do you think anybody else ever will?
