Im always angry. I dont know why anything small gets me so mad and infuriated. My ignorant family refuses to understand my anger or try to get help for me. Its not that we’re poor theyre just simply cheapskates when it comes to my mental state. I think its because if anyone found out im like this their reputation will get ruined. They expect me to always hold in my anger and not express it and understand them and them only. Ive gotten used to this but I cant even tell anyone especially my friends abt how i feel because they look at me as if im crazy. I obviously don’t want to take it out on my friends or family because I don’t want to ruin our relationship. But I can’t remember how many times I was ready to absolutely beat the s*** out of any of them. I always feel like s*** after but I cant control my anger. I’m still trying my best but my anger always gets the best of me. So instead of taking it out on them or expressing it normally I take it out on myself. I scratch,punch,bite,rip at my skin hair or anything I can harm myself with. I do it until I calm down. Im clearly trying to stop that habit but it keeps repeating. Am I not trying enough?? There’s been so many times where I want to absolutely mutilate my body. I have urges to relapse and cut myself until my arms and legs are completely blood. I tried everything to stop this but my anger is too much for me to handle. I tried talking to therapists online,meditation, talking it out but none of it never works. Im only 15 I Dont know what to do. Am I not trying harder I dont want it to seem like im using this as a excuse to be a d*** but I don’t
know anymore. Does anyone have advice for this? I cant keep this bottled in me anymore. Im always on the verge of relapsing and I have to make my friends believe im emotionally ok and im clean. Please give any advice if possible.