i have started to self-harm again. my parents caught me last time but they think that was the only time it happened and believe it was just for attention. i have cut a number of different times in the past few years and have tried different coping mechanisms such as vomiting and self-asphyxiation. i’m not medically diagnosed with any mental-illnesses so my parents think i’m just acting out when they find out i’ve been harming myself/throwing up. they don’t know how many times i’ve done it or how many times a day i wish i just slipped out of existence. i feel like i’m dying slowly, which i guess we all are, but i mean i’m not even living. i feel like i’m slowly being drained and am just waiting for the day when my lungs stop working and my heart ceases to beat. even on days when i’m laughing with my friends, or spending time with my family, or when everything seems to be going right, there is a voice in my head wishing for it all to end because it’s exhausting. every time something good happens, i’m just waiting for it to be evened out by negativity. because it always is.
but like i said, i’m not depressed. it’s all for attention even though i could never tell anyone any of this.
i hope you have a great day, sorry if you actually read that, i hope you’re doing much better than me and that you know you are valued and loved xx