The blow up with my mother and her mother/daughter caregiver team situation seems to be easing up a little but I have some difficult things ahead. At her request, last night I met with the daughter (in her 20s, the latest in my rather sad string of slipping some of my mother’s caregivers cash secretly for low level s***** favors, but this has been going on for far longer than usual with this one). She told me she and her mother had talked, and that a working dynamic has to be reached since neither of them want to or can afford to quit right now. The daughter (Mara) told me that jwr mother insists that the cash for touching and hand jobs has to stop, and tbat her mother was willing to help me learn to stop degrading myself and her daughter since her mother feels that my mother willfully failed to teach me better than to do such things. Mara told me that her mother wanted it all laid out, honestly, and assurances that Mara had never let me f*** her. Mara apologized for having to embarass me further by telling her mother how small my endowment is to try to convince her that f****** is way too difficult for me. Then Mara shocked me to the core by telling me that she admitted to her mother that she has feelings for me, and in different circumstances would be wanting to actually date me. And she told me that she felt I had feelings for her as well and that giving her the money was simply my way of ignoring the feelings for her because I let my physical shortcomings make me feel that no woman would ever want me. I admitted that that was probably true. Mara told me that she had told her mother that it was a shame because as long as it did not involve f******, I definitely knew what I was doing to pleasure a woman in other ways. Mara told me that she and her mother had talked and that her mother accepted the possibility that I was a genuinely caring and compassionate man, it was just that I had no fulfilling or healthy relationship with a woman and let tiny endowment make me act the way I did, and that her mother said there is a fine line between a man acknowledging such a problem and working through it like a man, versus being mentally stuck in a place that such a small p**** makes me think badly and overcompensate by acting in such ways. Mara told me that while it might hurt to hear/know, her mother told her that she did understand that I was not ever taught how to interact with women because my mother ignored multiple situations and never taught me to “keep that tiny little white d*** in his pants and away from women”. But her mother had apparently shown willingness to help me learn to respect nyself and women better and that she had some sympathy for the fact that when it comes to s** then in her mother’s words “he needs to learn to not let having a baby d*** make him act like a baby towards women”, that if I actually am capable of pleasing a woman in other ways then that was what I should focus on and not keep wanting that part of me to become the focus. Mara even relayed her mother’s warning that she would reconsider what I offered in amends (physical or injection castration) if I did not change my behavior. I was beet red during a lot of this conversation. At the end of the talk Mara told me that her mother had some demands. That before any other discussions or help with my problem, I was to apologize to my mother and Mara and her mother all in front of each other at the same time. And that I was to listen to whatever my mother may want to say. That I would with all three of them acknowledge my problems and behavior. And then with Mara’s mother I must confess to the other 2 caregivers who know nothing about this and I have never paid for anything, so that they are aware of my behavior. After that first step, Mara says that her mother wants to talk to me one on one and then with Mara and her, because no matter what comes next, Mara’s mother has hard ground rules that I and Mara must obey and respect if I ever want to see Mara again and so Mara can keep working as caregiver for my mother and not have to look for another job.