a few years ago, my mom said she “wished [she’d] never been born so [i’d] never been born” and that she “wishes [she] had a different daughter”. she wasn’t even angry at the time, she just said what was on her mind calmly. like it’s normal to her, like she doesn’t even say it out of spite, just says it because it’s true.

i always wished i could have a mom who loved me, a new mom, but the word mom makes me so sick right now. i’ll literally be married in 2 weeks and she still treats me terribly, like i’m 5. i can’t move out until later this year bc i’m going to another continent.

i know god has saved my life a lot, forgiven me a lot, done a lot for me. but what is going on? i can’t get away from her. does he want me to be consumed in her hell? it’s so exhausting. i just want to be free of her. let her do what she pleases, but don’t make me be there to deal with it. i wash my hands of her as she has of me.