Mama”s boy continued. After hitting puberty and that first gentle maternal h*******, the next day I was burning with curiousity and got an explanation that it meant my body was growing up, and that my p**** was for more than urination and would get hard more often in ways having nothing to do with a need to empty my bladder. I was told almost nothing beyond that. I proactively apologized for my belief that I had peed on myself in her bed and she laughed and said she understood why I thought that but that I had not peed on myself. For a long time life continued with the only change being that I was very rigidly taught to not touch myself down there snd that only she was allowed to touch me there. It was several days after that first time in her bed at night that the foggy memory of the pleasure had me shyly ask if she would touch me that way again. She took me immediately to her bed and told me that this was a secret thing that we must never talk about with anyone no matter what, and that I was allowed to ask but usually she would decide when because “it would make you a terrible man and make you want to do bad things”. She said she would do it this time because i needed to experience it in daylight and not want to fall asleep right after. This time it was slower and longer, and she would not let me latch onto her breast, that that was special for bedtime only. She propped me up on pillows and sat between my legs and as it got close I became panicked again because it was so intense but she just kept going slowly and reminding me to let it happen. I am sure that the look of sheer shock and almost horror at how swollen and bulging hard I was, and the fear that I was about to pee, and the helplessness of an impending o*****, were only exceeded by the shock I experienced seeing my e********** for the first time. I could not breathe during/after and after she cleaned me up she bared a breast and soothed me through it, telling me to remember how scary it was and to let that remind me that I should only let her do it. Of course it was manipulative brainwashing but it worked. She taught me when I asked for it the next day that this was why she must do it, because men would become bad men if they are allowed to do it whenever they wanted. It was highly effective. So basically flash forward through the next 10 years of my life and with a h******* a couole of timed a week and a couple of more special ones with nursing at night, I was a controlled but pretty happy camper, excelled at school, and the way i was so emotionally bonded to her after suited her just fine. Nothing special. It did not become more than m*********** by her hand. Continued to be completely attached to my mother unless at school, and that included attending local city college. She would regularly ask if I had talked to anyone especially girls. But she had me far too trained to be able to talk to a girl or almost anyone. She trained me that it was normal that I was so exclusively fixated on my mother and i had no others to learn from on how fucked it was. Excelled in school landed a great job life was good and I did not feel like anything was missing. Granted that was thanks to her subtle brainwashing that because I was so sensitive that women would not be drawn to me and not like I would have known if a woman flirted with me, a woman/girl talking to me made me far too nervous so I was reclusive and avoided it. Then one friday evening after work I got home to find my mother talking to a woman in our living room, being surprised and immediately shy, and my mother welcoming me and introducing me to a stranger named Marilyn and being told she would be our weekend guest.