Your ego is so over inflated that it cant comprehend a universe where it does not exist. You think when you will die that you will be a mind locked in darkness for eternity, but you wont be anything. You wont exist. You will not have a concept of self. You will not be. And that terrifies you. Its why you act the way you do, to distract yourself from the truth you haveglimpsed with your own eyes. Thats why you wamt children, And every time you try to commit suicide, thats why you are faced with the terrible truth you already know, this life, for better or worse, is all you have, and you are wasting precious time. Live your dreams while you still can, idiot. You dont get to get back in line when the rides over. Get your s*** together before its too late. Make peace with pain. Make peace with your existential dread. Make peace with personal respinsibility. I know its scary and difficult, but you have to, or you will lose yourself entirely to your vices.