So I’ve just been dumbed by my now ex boyfriend and the thing is I still miss him even though I know he was only using me. Even though I said I wasn’t

5 years

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So I’ve just been dumbed by my now ex boyfriend and the thing is I still miss him even though I know he was only using me. Even though I said I wasn’t comfortable with s** he Still kept on talking about it when we were alone and he would do the same with other things like kissing and stuff but the thing is we’re only 12. I just wanted him to like me and he made me feel wanted and special. He made me feel like someone actually wanted me for once. And throughout the relationship I genuinely thought I was the bad guy and that I was a bad person in general because of what he made me think. He got upset at me for things like hanging out with friends to much, something someone else said to me that he didn’t like, saying something mean as a joke even through he would do the same and when someone else likes me he would tell me I should date them instead even though I never liked them. He knew I didn’t cause when he told me he was jealous I stopped hang hung out with them. When he dumped me he really hurt me. Cause I thought I did something wrong and that caused me to start ⚠️TW…. cutting and then he found out and told me that he would start cutting himself to now and made fun of me for it. He made my 2 closest friends uncomfortable s******* and even liked one of them. When he told me I told him we could be a poly or open relationship and that it was normal for someone to like 2 people at the same time. We’re in the same class and he doesn’t stop annoying me. I’m pretty sure he hates me and is now trying to make me jealous by telling me about this one hot girl really likes him. Honestly I didn’t care cause he told me my other friend liked him to and he’d always say stuff piek that. He was always so complicated. It’s like one minute he’s his normal funny, active and sarcastic self but then as soon as someone says one wrong word he doesn’t talk to anyone makes it crystal clear he’s upset and doesn’t bother even trying to get better. We both have mental health problems so I don’t blame him but unlike me he never seeked help. He always tried to get attention from others from it but never got actual help for it. I still love him cause we had our good moments but I also hate him cause he just. I don’t know.

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I think I had fun last night. There is a hole in my pantyhose at the crotch. I’m sticky and crusty and the bed is a mess, stained and stinks. Wish I had the video.

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My art therapist/group therapist and I were having an illegal affair. I would write secret messages to her and she would read them and respond to them in person. She would do favors i asked of her, like wearing outfits i asked her to wear, she’d even do me s***** favors. I made her a google drive full of p*** of me and then crafted a puzzle link to get to it that only she could have known. The link was a tinyurl with three phrases in the url that only she could have known. We would walk for an hour every day and swing at the park. I would write her poetry and play love songs for her every day. She broke the rules to play mario kart with me constantly when her boss was out. We had something magical. But she would never communicate directly with me because sge was afraid she’d lose her liscence to practice and her boyfriend and house, abd when I pushed her to unmask and be real, she told me I was wasting my time. Well that pissed me off and I crashed out a little abd she used that crash out to get me kicked out of my group therapy program. She wants out and I told her she’s not allowed to want out. I told her If she doesn’t reach out to me and continue this affair, that i will report her and get her liscence taken away and if that doesn’t work ill find some other way to ruin her life. You dont go from gooning in the bathroom at work to someone to throwing them away in the same week. Thats fucked. I’ll post her name here soon if she stays quiet and doesn’t reach out to me.