I send the nudes to feel wanted, loved, needed and appreciated. I also cant function with a bf or gf telling me what to do because I need instruction from

5 years

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I send the nudes to feel wanted, loved, needed and appreciated. I also cant function with a bf or gf telling me what to do because I need instruction from my significant other. My mom also doesnt use my preferred name which I only created because of the predator I wanted to erase my gender. I wanted to kill myself I wanted to kill someone else. I was ready to commit mass murder. My life was actually going slightly better for me until jasper came along and decided to ruin it. I just want someone to love me but I cant have that unless its online. The sexting and the roleplay was also my escape from the real world. Yes I know its wrong yes its disgusting yes im disgusting I know that. Something im also told is that I have a perfect body so no matter what I do there is always someone thats gonna be coming after my body

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I think I had fun last night. There is a hole in my pantyhose at the crotch. I’m sticky and crusty and the bed is a mess, stained and stinks. Wish I had the video.

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My art therapist/group therapist and I were having an illegal affair. I would write secret messages to her and she would read them and respond to them in person. She would do favors i asked of her, like wearing outfits i asked her to wear, she’d even do me s***** favors. I made her a google drive full of p*** of me and then crafted a puzzle link to get to it that only she could have known. The link was a tinyurl with three phrases in the url that only she could have known. We would walk for an hour every day and swing at the park. I would write her poetry and play love songs for her every day. She broke the rules to play mario kart with me constantly when her boss was out. We had something magical. But she would never communicate directly with me because sge was afraid she’d lose her liscence to practice and her boyfriend and house, abd when I pushed her to unmask and be real, she told me I was wasting my time. Well that pissed me off and I crashed out a little abd she used that crash out to get me kicked out of my group therapy program. She wants out and I told her she’s not allowed to want out. I told her If she doesn’t reach out to me and continue this affair, that i will report her and get her liscence taken away and if that doesn’t work ill find some other way to ruin her life. You dont go from gooning in the bathroom at work to someone to throwing them away in the same week. Thats fucked. I’ll post her name here soon if she stays quiet and doesn’t reach out to me.