um hey, if you are reading this then thank you for sparing your time. i will just be speaking s*** about myself but if you still read it then thank you. so i am tired of everything. like everything. the biggest problem is that i overthink a lot. like since i was a kid i always lived up to my parent’s expectations, i scored good, i studied well, i spent time with my friends, everything was fine. i am 16 now and i am nothing like the person i expected myself to be as a kid. since the time covid has started i have changed a lot, i have become much more socially anxious and i have lost many friends, especially my best friend. she suddenly blocked me on the day of her birthday and after that we never spoke again. last year, 2021, i got into a relationship with one of my good friends but i ended up breaking up with him because i realized i only cared for him as a friend, nothing more than that.

about my education, i was really good at studies before when i was in middles school but suddenly since the time i have been in high school its all s***. i started copying in my exams as they have all been conducted online till now. i dont feel good evn if i score good because i know i didnt put in enough efforts on my test.

normally i am not fine. like i dont know, i get anxious about everything and i always end up thinking about the worst case scenarios. sometimes i cry myself to sleep. when i was in middle school i was very insecure about how i looked because since the start i had been chubby and hairy. my classmates used to call me fat, hairy and ugly all the time. i have stopped giving a f*** about it but still sometimes when i look at my friends i feel insecure because they are all pretty and have great bodies. guys run behind them. in my friend group i am just the crazy crackhead one who has no insecurities( according to my friends) who can make anyone laugh by doing stupid stuff. since i was a kid i had suppressed how i actually was because no one would accept it. i have suppressed it so much that it chokes me, how i could let myself do that because other people didnt like it. people still make fun of me but i laugh it off because i dont have something to say back. i have so many personalities and masks that i think no one will actually learn who i really am. honestly even i dont know who i really am, i dont know what i genuinely like doing or what i want in my life