My life has become so exhausting. It’s so exhausting that it’s hard to imagine keeping it going for a whole other year. Every day I wake up and do things I don’t want to do just to maintain what I have. I know as soon as this deployment is over I will have to put in even more effort to actually accomplish something. My leadership asked me what my goals are, as if simply existing isn’t taking everything I have. I feel like a fraud, a liar. I’m not as good as I want people to think I am and I know it. I wish I could be that overachiever I saw myself as when I started this. But as it turns out I’m just a tired, lazy, pathetic little girl that isn’t very good at anything. And eventually it’s all gonna slip and I’m gonna lose everything I worked hard to get.
