Everything was destroyed, two times in a row. The only integrity you can create after all of this comes from pieces, recycled, transformed, and woven, or rather welded, together. There is no other way, and the end result is always barely recognizable. For the better, always for the better. How else you can come out if a situation when your dignity was destroyed twice, when you were humiliated in front of the whole world, not once or twice, but so many times you can’t even remember, and it was so very much sustained, during the whole decade? When you were made to believe by everyone that this is what you truly deserve, being the lowest kind of scum on the whole Earth. Each and every human interaction upon recognition pummeled you into infernal depths, with no help, with no hope in sight, completely alone. Plus, you’ve been sterilized. The state confirmed that your unique combination of genes doesn’t deserve to be passed on further. And your right to exist at all was put into question so many times for it to be remotely bearable. Really, the world doesn’t deserve the truth. They all deserve exactly what they’ve been served. I have no regrets about all that. The price of security is hiding, seemingly forever. Or maybe not. There is always a way. I just need to find it and make the right choices for myself. I don’t expect to be liked, I just want to be understood.