Im trying so hard not to give up. It feels pointless. I know it's not. I know it's just the fog coming back. I can't let it win. Not this time. I have to

5 years

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Im trying so hard not to give up. It feels pointless. I know it’s not. I know it’s just the fog coming back. I can’t let it win. Not this time. I have to hold on to my insight. These intrusive thoughts keep telling me that I’m worthless, that I’ve invalidated all of my hard work every time I slip and fall. My demons tell me that I can’t keep it up, so why even try to be a human being? I can’t be a saint, so why not wallow in sin like the devil himself? They are wrong. I know they’re wrong. I’m f****** crazy but I’m gonna be the good kinda crazy not the bad kind. F*** YOU OBSESSIONS. F*** YOU MALADAPTIVE COPING MECHANISMS. F*** YOU DEADLY SINS. IM ROOTING YOU OUT ONE BY ONE, AND I’M TAKING CONTROL OF THIS F****** SHIP. If I have to be a deranged pervert than I’m going to at least be a socially and morally responsible one who is respectful.

Sins Combatted So Far: Wrath
Envy
Greed
Next up To fight: Lust

Impossible to defeat: Sloth

Not a problem: Pride (HAH! Get it?)

God i am a f****** deranged cringey f****** lunatic sometimes and it is f****** awful. I’m never gonna be able to experience the kind of romantic love I’m after if I can’t get my god damned d*** under control. Maybe the way to actually defeat lust is to just get bored of s**. I just have to f*** a bunch of really hot chicks and have them fulfill all of my s***** fantasies. Once I get that initial novelty of having s** and indulging my kinks out of the way, they’ll be alot easier to rear in. Then it’ll go from an obsession that I have to experience at all costs to just another pleasure I can freely choose use to give my brain the happy chemical. I have to lose my virginity, eat some p****, and get peed on or I’m gonna be a creep forever.

New Confession

You’ve had a Lotta redbull
I can taste it in your pisss

Urine sample dan

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Today did it.
Today you broke me without even knowing.
Today was the day I lost that interest and desire to be more.
You see, I was under the impression that we were friends…
Suddenly I’ve realized that I have been your friend… But you have been his friend and I’m just an extension of him.

I’ll be seeing “us” as such from now on.

I’m sorry it took me so long to see the truth. To be honest, I was under the delusion that you were somehow different. That maybe you were the knight in shinny armour that would finally see me, finally care enough to hear me, the person that would finally choose me.

Stupid right?

It won’t happen again.