Siren I’m not actually gonna do anything but you need to stop coming to this website and f****** disengage completely from any dealings with me. I hate doing this, I dont want to do this but I cant f****** stop. I dont want to f****** kill myself or hurt anyone but I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. It’s so hard because I know that everything is my fault so I should just power through and take it on the chin and be a better person. But it’s so painful being unwanted by everyone. I’ve been alone for most of my life. My life has been a constant repeating pattern of my destroying years of my life in a ten or 20 minute span of lapse of impulse control. Everything I touch turns to s***. I dont know what the f*** to do. I keep trying to get better but I keep losing more and more. Just get the f*** away from me and never come back. I dont want to take it out on you. I dont want to hurt you. I dont want to take anything away from you. I dont want to be like this. I cant f****** stop ruining everything. All I have is my parents. I’m f****** pathetic. I don’t even know where to start healing. I’m sorry that I keep taking it out on you, please just f*** off forever and never look back so I cant cause you any more pain. I broke my promise and I never want to talk to or see you again. You’ve all won. I am completely f****** miserable and hopeless and wretched and creepy and unnattractive in every way, mind, body, and soul. I wish I had never f****** been born. My existence is a nightmare for me and everyone else around me. I just want it to f****** stop. I just want to f****** go to sleep and never wake up. I just want to stop being a burden and a waste of space that only exists to destroy. I just want to cease existing entirely, no afterlife, no reincarnation, it’s all pointless. Life is meaningless without human connections and I am incapable of holding on to them in any meaningful way. It’s all meaningless. I have no friends. I have no future. I am a male over 30 with no experience with woman, i’m completely undateable. I don’t blame the world for wanting nothing to do with me, but it’s so painful sometimes. No one but family came to my birthdays as a child and no one but family will go to my funeral. I will be remembered as a narcissistic sociopath who burned every bridge he had and then threw a temper tantrum about it like a f****** child. I am a f****** worthless human being. You were right to laugh at me. You were right, I do belong in an asylum. You shouldnt of even pretended to like me or forgive me, I wasnt even worth that kind of kindness. Just let me rot. Live your f****** life and pretend I’m dead, because I might as well be at this point. Bask it in. Soak it in. The monster has been completely broken down. Karma is served, piping hot, threefold. What justice. Im f****** done here. I can’t pretend that everythings ok. It’s f****** not. Everything is fucked and there’s no one left to pick up the pieces. I’m gonna drink myself to death because I’m a f****** spineless addict and a coward. Try not to remember me, please. Just forget me. I don’t want you to remember me. I don’t want to be percieved as existing. I just want to vanish to where no one can see or hear me. I wish I could disapear and then wipe everyones memories so it was as if I never existed. How much better would everyones lives be if I was never born? A lot. A f****** lot better, thats how. Everything is my fault. I am the most pathetic man to have ever been born. A f****** earthworm has more cosmic value than me. I hope you’re f****** happy. You won. Now go the f*** away, forever. Leave me to die you stupid f****** b****. I hate you with every fibre of my being. And I love you with all of my soul. I can’t do it anymore. BEGONE. I’m taking a baseball bat to my f****** computer and putting my ps4 in storage so I can’t access the internet anymore. Booze and weed and pills are gonna be my new internet. I’m giving up for good. I’m not even gonna try anymore. I’m not gonna hurt you or your boyfriend. I’m not gonna commit any crimes. It was all posturing and f****** empty threats. but you know that I’m nothing but hot air at this point you smug f****** b****. You’ve been yanking my chain and laughing about it for over a year. Well happy f****** Halloween you stupid f****** b****. No amount of money or drugs or f****** mindless consumerism will ever be able to replace you or the countless other friends I’ve lost to my own f****** carelessness. The one thing I want more than anything else in this world will forever be out of my reach because I don’t know how to hold on to something without getting attached to it and taking it for granted. I am a f*** up. I am a creep. I am a sadist. I am the embodiment of all seven deadly sins. I’m jealous, and lazy, and mean, and perverted as hell. I contribute nothing to this world and if someone took me out and killed me at this point, they would be doing both me and the world a favor. I am self aware. Do you understand? I know what I’ve done. I remember everything bad I’ve ever done to you and everyone else I’ve ever loved. It’s all I ever think about. I will be tormented by the visions of ghosts past for the rest of my waking life, and I’m sick of trying to be stoic and keep a stiff upper lip and pretending that everythings gonna be ok. Everything is not gonna be ok. Everything is only gonna get worse and worse until I f****** die or go to prison. I want to skip it all and just f****** die now. GET THE F*** OUT OF MY LIFE FOREVER. ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO BE LOVED. ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO BE WAS UNDERSTOOD. ALL I EVER WANTED YOU TO DO WAS F****** HOLD ME AND TELL ME THAT YOU WEREN’T AFRAID OF ME. I’M F****** DONE. I’M DONE PRETENDING TO BE TOUGH. I’m DONE MAKING THREATS. I AM A F****** WORTHLESS SPINELESS COWARD AND I AM GONNA CHICKEN OUT OF KILLING MYSELF LIKE I DO EVERY TIME AND DROWN MY SORROWS IN SUBTANCE ABUSE AND ESCAPISM LIKE I ALWAYS DO UNTIL I F****** DIE OF A BLOOD CLOT. I CANT F****** DO THIS ANYMORE. IT HURTS TOO MUCH. I DONT WANT TO FEEL ANYTHING ANYMORE. I HAVE COMPLETELY F****** DESTROYED MY LIFE. I HOPE THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED. PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK AND BASK IN THE WARMTH OF MY MISERY YOU STUPID F****** HARPY. LAP IT F****** UP. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.