It’s like I’m in this daze that I just can’t shake myself from. I don’t know when it started. How it happened. I just feel like I’m there but I’m not

5 years

420 Views

It’s like I’m in this daze that I just can’t shake myself from. I don’t know when it started. How it happened. I just feel like I’m there but I’m not there. I know it’s cliche but I feel like I’m watching my life through the eyes of someone else. My real me has just been sunken down or pushed the background. Everything just feels blurry. I try to get into it I try to be involved. Every time I speak I get faded to the background everyone just thinks about themselves and I’m suppose to be the one there for them listening to them. Comforting them. Being there for them. But at the end of the day I have no one. The one person who did care about me who checked up everyday even when I didn’t asked who seemed to just accept me and love me unconditionally is dead and I took that for granted. In fact it’s my biggest regret that I could never pay him or his sister back for everything they’ve done for me. That’s besides the point. I just feel like life is boring. No matter what I do no matter how hard I try i just feel indifferent. What happened to me? I use to try hard be motivated but now I just don’t f****** care I don’t care about anything. I don’t want to live anymore but don’t get me wrong I don’t want to die. In a way I still feel like I have so much left I have to live for but I just can’t reach it right now it seems impossible. And from my experience seeing how most people react in death I don’t want people I didn’t know or don’t like coming up and acting like they knew me. The only person who knew me is me. The people that I trusted the most were the closest to seeing the full me. But im just so tired from life im not sure how much longer I can hold on. Everyone just seems to be drifting away. No one cares until your dead and when you die the world moves in like it’s nothing. I’m not writing this for sympathy or to make this about me. I know people deal with bigger things and clearly there are more pressing issues than a random person. Life is just piling on too hard and it’s too much. I was never suppose to be an adult I really wish I would’ve just died that day when I blacked out from trying to overdose that way I wouldn’t have to deal with all these conflicting thoughts and feelings holding me back. I just wish I could disappear and everyone would forget me it would just be easier that way. I can’t see my future no matter how hard I try. I never have and I never will. But no amount of cutting and self pity will get me through this. So I can only wish that I lose all my emotions so I could go through it.

New Confession

Aunty aunty I have to go pee. I have to go Yeah yeah so get up and go. Billy stood up. The d**** still buzzing away deep in his r*****. She watched him go to the toilet and listened. Ok sit back down. And do not touch your c***. He sat. “So it seems to me that nearly any exposed body pasty of a female will trigger your c*** and brain to go ape s*** s*****. Right! Yes. There’s a name for it but I can’t remember it. “ so if I pulled my skirt up and you saw my p****** it would enrage your d***. Yes. She pulled her skirt up belly high. Snd since she has removed her panhies , his organ jerked straight out stiff. Prec dribbled from the fat mushroom head. Lovely. She whispered. Scotch fireward. She moved close straddling his legs. His eyes were locked on her chocolate cake p****. She edged down and let hiss c*** head touch her splayed p**** flesh. She lowered herself to cup his fat c*** head in her p****. One inch she said. You like your dicky one once up into my p**** Billy? She pulled at her pelvic muscles. Do you feel my pus gripping your fat c*** head.? Yes yes just like mommies. Just like mommies. He breathed. How often does mommy do this for you sweetie? Every morning. Every morning. She sometimes just drops down on my dicky real fast and hard. And then just sits still. I like her doing that. It’s so hot inside her tummy. She kisses me a lot. Then she rocks back and forth. Yhat tickles. On Wednesday she uses hrr poopy hole, that’s really tight on me. That’s the only time she sometimes lets me peepee Jo into her tummy, she m as Les s log if noisy sounds. Giggles a lot. What fors mommy do then? She starts to cry and bumps down hard. Then jumps up and drops on my dicky a bunch of times. I tell her whrm I”’m going to pee up in her belly and she hurries up snd down real fast. When she feels me squirting in her she hugs mme real tight. Then what. After a bit she stands up and lays oon the bed with her legs up in the air and spread wide open. Ok Billy, now do me like I tought you. That’s when I take the giant dickiy and wet it with lotion, and put it into her tiny p**** hole. Then I get to make mommy scream snd pee. I have to push the giant dicky up into hrt brlly 20 times. Then I stop. When she pats my arm I quickly push it 20 more times. Usually I can feel it hitting hrt tummy. Each time she grunts. Then I stop a gain. Now she is slobbering all over. Faster faster snd she bounces all over snd screams real loud snd gets all stiff. Her legs bounced and jerked (orgssm) on the bed and she peepees in me. Then she lays still. I leave the dicky inside her s as bf go shower. Billy, i whisper. TODAY IS WEDNESDAY!!!

Related Confessions

CD players, even women are possessions to him.

Billy Idol