My girlfriend has a rage disorder and I’m becoming more and more afraid that it’ll become something I wont be able to handle. She is already looking into therapy for other reasons which is good but I haven’t even really confronted her about this issue. The brief moments I’ve mentioned it haven’t gone well and she denies it or will just get more upset. When she does get taken over by rage she doesn’t know its happening, she forgets what she said, and she can’t control herself. Each tome I’ve seen it its gotten more and more aggressive and when I say that she just says that she’s making progress. Last time it happened was the first time it actually got pretty physical, while we were talking she dug her nails into my hand, left a couple red scratches, and even drove her fist into my thighs. In the past she’s ripped my jeans and almost pulled off my necklace when she was grabbing my shirt. She forced me to talk to her in the car where I had already said I don’t feel safe. She tried many different ways to get me to listen like taking my phone, attempting to take my keys, standing in front of my car door if it looked like I wanted to leave, chasing me, grabbing me, pulling me, and getting really close to my face after I made it clear I wanted a distance between us. It’s really scary seeing her like that and I want it to stop. Every time it happens I consider leaving the relationship. Her face changes when she gets angry and it changes again when the rage passes. Once it does pass and I try to talk about it I can tell she feel guilt and shame. I don’t know what to do. After she is done letting it out on me its like nothing ever happened and when I try to say I feel ignored she just says, “I know I already apologized”. I really just want it to stop at this point and I hope that once she starts going to a therapist I will have the courage to tell her that she has an issue with anger so she can work through it. I started getting extreme anxiety, panic, and disassociation when we get into topics that are difficult for us. She seems to just look for something to be pissed at me about. The advice for this I found online was to just let them talk and just be quiet and listen, since most likely anything I say will not be taken well. When I have tried that she yells at me to “say something”. Sometimes when I don’t feel comfortable talking in that moment she doesn’t stop asking, following me, and pressuring me until I tell her. She has pressured me into going on drives with her because she “doesn’t want anybody listening to our personal business”, but its starting to look like she just wants to find a moment to yell at me. Despite all of this I really love her and my body feels so safe with her. I hope that I’m willing to be there for her through this, I want to be I just have doubt sometimes. I just want this weight of fear to be lifted off my shoulders.
