If i dont get pissed on multiple times by christmas, its all gonna burn. ” i hold in me both a strong piss kink, and repressed e***** pyromania as well, if i can not enjoy the one, I will be forced to indulge the other.” Id really rather get off to you p****** your pants than the smell of your charred flesh and the intoxicating feeling of power of watching sonething i create destroy you and everything you own, but what i am not gonna do is keep rotting in my apartment with unfulfilled desires so i can be an unpaid pca fir my useless mother and an emotional support animal for my burnout friends who never helped me get laid. Sorry to make it your problem, Siren and Jenny, except, wait, no im not. My conscience is dead now, im just really f****** h**** and that makes me angry and i refuse to m********* until i have s** with you. Thats why im getting more and more deranged, h****, and aggressive. I jacked off 3 times a day for years and ive busted 4 nuts in the last 2 weeks. Its all been edging and playing video games that make me break controllers otherwise. Its not like i could just snap like that. Its been a process of pushing people away and desensitising myself. My brain has lots if failsafes in place to protect itself. Theyve tajen time to dismantle. These blue balls are dangerous, theyre gonna get you killed. Ive been hyping myself up to either get everything i want without effort or destroy everyything out of spite for months. Its a lot of work dehumanising you broads and surgically extracting my compassion and empathy, but its almost done. The blue balls, Theyve taken over my brain. My conscience wont ever come back unless i get my head on straight and that will only possibly happen after i get what i want. But thats ok. Im prepared to live with a lifetime of guilty conscience that will possibly cause me to take my life if it means i got to live out my s***** fantasies in real life with someone whos hot enough for me. Im not f****** no butterface premenopausal hippos with c section scars. I want goth girls with killer thighs and perky t*** to take turns p****** down my throat until theydrown me to death with piss. Thats how i want to die. Youre gonna f****** piss on me, then youre gonnaet me f*** you, then youre gonna piss your pants, or a lot of really bad s*** is gonna happen all at once one night. Deal with it. Its time for me to begin preperations. Youre gonna wish you took me more seriously, but if you knew me, youd know ill do sonething completely idiotic and self destructive just to spitefuy prove someone wrongm ivr