I’m so f****** confused… I gain control for a few days, weeks if I’m lucky, and then I lose it all over again. I don’t know what it is with me. I wish I was like everybody else. I wish I didn’t think about s*** as much as I do. Why did this happen to me? What went wrong? Or was I born this way? I used to have moments in my childhood where I’d think about things for a prolonged period of time. I know no other kid was doing it because they were all too busy having fun with their childhood. I had fun, sure, but I always thought at one point… Always, always to think. I feel like this thinking is holding me back from doing something in my life… Or maybe it’s actually better. Maybe it’ll make me do something actually worth the effort. I want to be free. I want to be happy… Do I even understand what happiness is? I’m so confused. Who’s playing with my mind like this? Who’s forcing me to think all the time? Life distracts me from my thinking. It does. Whenever I do something like hang out with my friends, go to class, or anything like that, I just focus on those things. I’m worst when I’m alone… But for some reason, half of me wants to be alone and half of me doesn’t. Why am I so fucked up? Why am I writing this? I’m staring at the words I’m writing now and I’m still confused… I don’t feel good about it, not for the past 18 years I haven’t. Funny thing is, I’ve gotten close to telling people how I feel. I give them the general feeling, but I can never tell them exactly. What I feel is so fucked up I can’t describe it. I want a mind-wipe. No one knows I cry when I’m alone sometimes… Even my own sister doesn’t know me enough and she let me know that. Who am I? Someone please help me. Someone please slap me. Someone please kick my life in the nuts and take control of it for me. Someone open my eyes. Or close them…